The Fight Inside

I know, not my usual posting. But with things being the way that they are, I notice a shift in my mood and my energy. I don’t want to do anything. I don’t care to do anything. I just don’t see the point. That’s depression and I hate it. Its been an old enemy of mine. We have been fighting off an on for as long as I can remember. A good portion of my high school and college years are lost in a fog of depression. It is something I know all to well.

don’t want to feel this way. I would rather be positive and motivated to actually get somethings done. That difficult to do right now. If I can’t be positive, then at the very least I can try to not be negative. The “woe is me” thing isn’t really going to get me anywhere. It just annoys people. Being negative is simply not an option. So in a way, by not being negative, I being positive. Not necessarily happy mind you, just not in self pity. I’ve been here before. I don’t want to go back to it. My depression always seems to be situational. Something changes for good (with it being good), my mood changes and depression drops. That’s normal life, but it seems to effect me more than others.

Its a hard time I am going through. With depression comes hopelessness. I am in a time where I feel like I don’t have any hope. And before anyone says anything, I know that IS NOT TRUE. Its just a rough patch. Logically, I know that. Emotionally, I don’t feel that way. Our emotions tend to drive us more than logic. So I feel hopeless and like I will never dream again.

I am reminded of a verse from the Bible. Maybe I have posted it on my blog before. Its from Romans 5.

Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, and hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured into our hearts through the Holy Spirit who has been given to us.”

That’s all I am going to say about that. I am not here to preach. Its just something I try to live by. Things will get better. Right now it’s just going to be rough. Hello earl grey tea and your wonderful oil of bergamot.

IMG_9967

Also, it gets hot under those lights. It took a lot of light to get the image to be visible in the old camera’s viewfinder. But when I don’t have anyone else to be in my photos, I end up being my own model. I know several people who would look better in front of the lens than I. Now to ask and convince them to do so. I mean who wouldn’t want a free, high quality print worthy artistic photo?

Yes, the blog title is a reference to a song by RED. Thank you for noticing.

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