à tout le monde, à tous mes amis, je vous aime, je dois partir
To all of my friends and loved ones in Columbia, South Carolina:
It is because of you that I have been able to make it this long. It has been a rough journey. Nothing went the way I wish it would have. My best efforts just were not enough. But you all stood by me, through thick and thin, through light and dark. For this brief strand in the tapestry that is our lives, you were some of the greatest friends I have ever had. Perhaps the greatest I have had in my short nearly 28 years of life. You are what made my time here. Its is all because of each and everyone of you.
People I got to know, to befriend, to care about, to love. Some of you I knew better than others. Some I just met, and now we must part ways. It is with great sadness and difficulty this must be.
I hoped I could have stayed with you longer. In my experiences, life rarely works the way we want it. Sometimes God calls us to different paths. My departure was abrupt due to unfavorable and shocking circumstances. Though I thank God that amends have been made, I believe that my departure may be for the best.
I was never one gifted with a good grasp on speech. I have always had a better voice in the realms of the written word. Please accept these personal thank you’s. I wish there was more I could do.
To the Zook’s: It was only near the end that I had the privilege to spend more time with you. Its because of you I ended up at Redeemer North East. You were there when the end began. You cared for me at my lowest point. For your kindness, hospitality, I with the humblest of hearts say thank you.
To the McCann’s: Mark and Sherry, Doc and Momma McCann, you are two of the most welcoming people I have ever encountered. You took me in. You made me feel part of the “McCann Clan”. You were a source of biblical guidance and wisdom. Correcting me when I needed to be corrected. Correcting me in a God-honoring way. You were also a source of good food and excellent cheesecakes. You hosted me on more than one great American holiday, making those times away from family enjoyable. For all that you have done in my life, Thank you.
To the Costy’s: Ben, you helped start our game nights. You were my computer savvy friend, inspiration to play the bass, a generous host and a good friend. Meredith, you are like a sister to me. You are one of the few people who truly understands me. You are someone that has my complete trust. That is not an easy thing to do. Continue to pursue creativity and art, and I will do my best to do the same. To the both of you, I will miss our crazy D&D nights. My life will not be the same for a while with out the two of you in it. I love you both. For your love and friendship, Thank you.
To Terrance: Oh, Terrance. My comrade, my drinking companion, my brother in arms, confidant, and truest of friends. You my good sir I shall miss a great deal. It was through our own personal struggles that brought us close with the bonds of brotherhood. We were brothers-in-arms. We struggled together, sought after Christ together, and perhaps got a little too tipsy together for our own good. We should of had many more years of adventure and merriment. You are the truest friend a man can have. You are my brother. I shall miss having you in my life. For all of this, thank you.
To Erin: I wish I could have known you better. I felt you were a bit indifferent towards me and kept me at arms length. That doesn’t really matter now. We did have some fun times. I can never look at a bowling ball the same way again (crazy, that was a year ago!). Even now I am committed to being your friend. You are smart, creative, and beautiful. Never let anyone tell you any differently. Continue writing, continue to try to get your work seen, and never be afraid to share your creative gifts with others. I will always care about you.
To the rest of the “McCann Clan”: There are just too many of you to mention. I wish that was more time. I would have liked to have gotten to know more of you better.
To Redeemer NE: It saddens me a great deal to leave all of you after being there for such a brief time. I was hoping to have to opportunity to grow with all of you, to learn from all of you, to serve with all of you. Alas, our time has been cut too short. To the pastors, never lose heart. It can be difficult planting a new church. It can be difficult to reach people and spread the Gospel. You are both amazing men I wish I could have spent more time with. There is so much I wanted to learn for you, both of you. The kindness and love I have received from you and your church will not be forgotten. Thank you.
And, my dear friends, my loved ones, it is with a sad and heavy heart I must say farewell. Oh, how I wish I could stay. You were what made my time here what it was. All I ask is that you smile when you think of me. Only my physical presence is gone from you. I may soon fade from your thoughts and memories. Out of sight, out of mind. That is just the way life works sometimes. Life just keeps moving on. But until I fade from your thoughts, please smile when when I come to mind. I wish I could say I am going to a better place, but I still have a long tough road ahead of me. Life just keeps going on. If the Lord wills it, new adventure and new opportunity awaits. Perhaps someday the Lord will let us meet again.
I love you, each and every one of you.
To all the world, to all my friends –
I love you.
I have to leave.
P.S- If you want to keep in touch, the best way for me is email. You know how to get that from me. I would love it if some of you came to visit me.
P. P.S- The title is based off this song. It is not about suicide, but the final words to the loved ones of a dying man. While I am not dying, some of you I may never see until Kingdom come.