I don’t feel like an artist anymore. I haven’t for some time.
I seem to have loaded my plate a little high. And as a result, I need to scale back a bit. As you have noticed, I have failed my daily challenges quite miserably. I have too many thing I am trying to do at once. I was hoping this would be refreshing, but it feels more like a chore. It was just so unfocused. Doing this challenge was so unnatural.
Truth is, I don’t feel like an artist any more. I am not much of a photographer these days and I am definitely not a filmmaker any more. I am very conflicted over this. This is what I went to school for. This is something I enjoyed doing. Now i just feel worn out and all washed up. I can’t compete anymore. On the other side of that, I am changing fields. I am moving away from film and photography as a career path and focusing on IT and software development. I have some much I am trying to do right now and I have just pushed myself too hard. Most days I don’t even want to touch my camera gear.
So I am stepping back. I need photography and video (and art in general) to be invigorating again. I can’t just go out shooting/filming just to be shooting/filming. I need to do it for a reason. I need to do it out of enjoyment again. I currently don’t enjoy it.
To quote photographer Ted Forbes: “No one cares about your photography“. That is the brutal truth. However, he does go on to say that the world needs work that matters. It comes down to that what am doing “art” wise right now doesn’t matter. It isn’t like when I was over in Europe. My job was to make work that matters. I want to be able to do that again someday.
I miss being in another country and I miss being in college. Those where the areas where I felt like my art thrived. That is where it “mattered”. My work now, if you can call it that, is no different than anything else out there. I don’t have any projects to really start, or if I have ideas then I lack the motivation to see them through.
But for now, I need to take a step back. I need to re-approach photography and film as art. So for right now, I think I need to go back to the basics. I need to focus on it as an art and at the center of it all I need to focus it on God.
I have so much I am trying to learn right now, but I need to focus on a few things at the moment. For now, the Kilted Artist will be on a bit of a hiatus. There will be new posts from time to time, but not like what I was trying. That is, until I am back into full swing with the blog.
So keep checking in here. Also check out Stephan Hughes . Com.